TO POLISH A TURD
Watching the ‘Raw the Day After’ on the VIP section of ‘The Brand’, Jeff Lane (@Jefflane22) spoke of how the current angle in which Damien Sandow and Curtis Axel are involved in, a la ‘The Mega Powers’, isn’t a parody in the way that Mizdow was to The Miz’s character, but it is in fact an exact copy.
This got me thinking, and I wanted to elaborate on this.
Creative obviously wanted to take the comedic route with The Miz and Damien Sandows angle, and they obviously want to take the comedic route with this ‘Mega Powers’ impersonation angle. But the problem with it is, is Jeff is right, it IS an exact copy!
The Miz returned to action in June 2014 after a two month hiatus filming yet another one of WWE Studios crappy B movies, namely ‘The Marine 4: Moving Target’, by then his persona had transitioned into that of an “Hollywood A lister” and during this time Damien Sandow had transition from ‘The Intellectual Saviour of the Masses’ to a more comedic character who would come out each week impersonating the likes of Magneto from the ‘X Men’ franchise and Lebron James. So its safe to say creative obviously had nothing else for him.
(Authors Note: I can only believe that this gimmick was given to Sandow ‘cos they had nothing else for him and they needed to replace the comic relief element of the show since Santino Marella was no longer around.)
The Miz and Damien Sandows paths eventually crossed and Damien Sandow was renamed to Damien Mizdow, the stunt double to The Miz’s ‘A Lister’ gimmick that still to this day hasn’t gone actually anywhere. After a while, Damien Mizdow starts mimicking the mannerisms and movements of The Miz during his matches, taking bumps on the outside of the ring if The Miz was taken down during a match etc.
(Authors Note: Could this of made wrestling look any more fake!?)
After a short run with the Tag Team titles it didn’t take long for Mizdow to become the spotlight of the two, so WWE played on this with him being the more popular of the two and got them working the crowds and even using celebrities that The Miz was “such good friends with” to enhance the story.
It was funny to see The Miz act like Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart were his best friends even though it was blatantly obvious that they each both preferred Mizdow to The Miz.
Like a modern day Sable and Marc Mero, The Miz grows jealous of Mizdows success and that Mizdow has not only outgrew The Miz, but he now completely over shadows The Miz, The Miz is furious that Mizdow has stolen The Miz’s spotlight. This eventually leads to the inevitable -- The Miz firing Mizdow, which leads to a couple of attacks back and forth between the two until they finally settle their score on an episode of ‘Monday Night Raw’ in a match that would determine who would keep The Miz “brand” -- with The Miz obviously going over.
By this time Curtis Axel, another one of WWEs “Uncreatables” is on his fiftieth (?) gimmick mimicking that of Hulk Hogan, referring to his new gimmick as ‘Axelmania’ and much like the rest of the WWE ‘Uncreatables’, their paths eventually cross. For comedic purposes the two have a small program together, mainly based on WWEs ‘Main Event’ -- where no one will ever see it.
One night on ‘Raw’, in a segment between the two, Curtis ‘Axelmania’ Axel and Damien Sandow are “brutally attacked” by two guys whom in comparison manage to make ‘The Munsters’ look like Linda Blair from ‘The Exorcist’ -- I’m talking of course about The Ascension. This allowed for these two parody gimmicks to combine forces and thus ‘The Mega Powers’ were formed!
So every week ‘The Mega Powers’ come out and lets be honest here, this gimmick is funny for about 30 seconds, I find myself cringing whilst watching their awful performances -- and its blatant that creative have nothing substantial planned for these two, at least nothing worthwhile.
These two have been put together solely on the principal that creative has nothing else for them, much like half the roster, the two ‘Mega Powers’ have been directed toward the WWE lost property box -- the place where Glenn Jacobs once found himself digging out an old Diesel costume, where Wade Barrett recently stumbled upon an old Harley Race outfit and now where Damien Sandow and Joe Hennig have picked out some old Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage gear..
But, what if this angle was approached another way?
I mean, if you are going to parody arguably two of the best wrestlers in the history of the business, why not parody the entire angle? Why not parody the destruction of ‘The Mega Powers’. If you want to take the comedic route with this angle, then why not think outside of the box?
(Authors Note: I want to stress, with the talent and potential that Joe Hennig and Aaron Haddard have, I personally would NOT book these two as the shows comic relief as it is a complete waste of talent, but if I was writing for WWE and management told me “Look, these two are going to be funny from now, we want them to parody Hogan & Savage… so make ‘em funny” -- then this is how I’d do it.)
During Mizdow and The Miz’s run together, The Miz constantly ordered Mizdow around and as the angle unfolded we saw The Miz get more and more jealous of Mizdows success, leading to him to fire Mizdow. We as an audience were getting heavily behind Mizdow more and more as we anticipated the day that Mizdow stood up for himself and finally dropped The Miz on his spoilt arse! -- That’s what got this angle over!
Yeah Haddards stunt double persona was amusing, but it was the anticipation of the Mizdow character finally turning on The Miz that we wanted to see! We wanted the satisfaction of seeing Mizdow get revenge on The Miz for his undeserved treatment -- so instead of just having this angle end abruptly on an Episode of ‘Monday Night Raw’ -- why not interlink it with ‘The Mega Powers’ angle!
What I’m suggesting here is, Macho Mandow, Curtis Axelmania & Mizz Elizabeth.
All it takes is one program between The Miz and Damien Mizdow in which at ‘Extreme Rules’ in a ladder match a briefcase will hang above the ring, and in that briefcase is a contract in which the loser has to be the winners “personal assistant”. We’d finally get that closure from this angle when Damien Mizdow finally triumphs over The Miz as we see him reach for the briefcase and win the match!!
So over the next few weeks you’d have Damien Sandow (managed by a very annoyed and unwilling Miz) start having a short program with Curtis Axelmania -- eventually The Ascension attack the two and the two shake hands -- thus forming the ’Mega Powers’. The next week on Raw Damien Sandow debuts his Macho Mandow gimmick, and Macho Mandow introduces us to his newest manager -- Mizz Elizabeth, in the exact same way that Randy Savage introduced Miss Elizabeth back in July 1985.
“Right behind that door right now, is the Macho Mandows new manager. Everybody get ready for a big, big moment… and here… he comes!” -- the camera cuts to the stage in which a very grumpy and reluctant Miz comes out in a dress and long gloves which reach up to his elbows. We hear the roar of the crowd followed by JBL on commentary mockingly say “My goodness is this some movie star? Who is this.. He’s beautiful” -- this also adds a bit of colour to the boring play-by-play three-man announcers team!
(Authors Note: You want to waste their talents on funny! Well there you go, I’ve just turned three of your worst and pointless characters on TV into funny -- into must see TV, now The Miz and Sandows angle has closure and it has developed the characters persona’s and evolved The Miz and Mizdows program into a brand new angle, whilst also pushing a third party -- Curtis Axel.)
Slowly, after a couple of months, some comedic friction happen between the three, jealousy starts to occur between the three which mirrors that of Hogan, Savage and Elizabeth, but this time its less serious and more humorous, and you cannot argue that funny on WWE is must see TV! (Crash Holly? Edge & Christian? Austin, Vince & Kurt Angle? Just to name a few.)
This would be all to set up for a WWE Network exclusive -- ‘Saturday Nights Main Event’.
Obviously this match wouldn’t be the main event, something along the lines of Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose for the WWE Championship would be I suppose, but this would be the main attraction, this is the match that people really want to see!
If the comic relief play is the route they want to take with these two, then why not think a bit more outside the box?
Essentially all three of these guys would be getting a push. Damien Sandow still keeps his momentum with the audience and it would build him even more as now he’s finally getting his revenge on The Miz, Curtis Axel would be getting a decent amount of television time and in turn this will teach him how to control the audience rather than letting the audience control him, and at least The Miz would be doing something more worthwhile instead of gimmi