I have to admit, sometimes I do things that I don't even understand.
I think the problem lies with me always listening to my heart. In my world, God lives in my heart, and when he speaks through me . . . he uses it as a vessel. That is why I tend to think "with" it, rather than against it. Once it goes to your head you start rationalizing things, and that's where you allow yourself to talk yourself out of anything---even if your heart is telling you it's what you're supposed to do at the time.
Late last night . . . I reached out to Vince McMahon again. Even though I know that is wrong on so many levels . . . it's what my heart told me to do. In the past, that olive branch would have been motivated by the need of money---in order to support my family---but, I can tell you that isn't the case now. Currently, through the hard work of everybody involved, thank God, THE BRAND continues to grow, and with help from other outside projects I am close to being able to pay my bills without taking much from what's left of my savings. In conjunction with that, I feel I have a real opportunity at I Heart Radio at the moment---one I'm really excited about.
So I'm good, I'm not worried about money as I usually am right now. By putting it all in God's hands he has provide for both me and my family. But . . . I have to be totally raw and honest here . . .as I sit on the sidelines and see the wrestling audience diminishes week, after week, after week, with no ray of light anywhere in sight---it begins to affect me personally. Especially when I think about my former boss Vince McMahon. Look--I'd be lying to you if I told you that I didn't love Vince, because I do. And, with all the slandering done of my name over the years by his company, you probably think I'm out of my mind . . . and . . . maybe I am. Unfortunately, even though I don't agree with their smear campaign towards me---I do understand it . . .and expect it.
It's really hard to understand what "ego" entails unless you've been in the wrestling business. The level of egotistical human beings I have worked with in the past is something that a regular, blue collar guy, or gal, would never understand. In a business that is dominated by me, myself and I---Vince is no different. I have never heard Vince McMahon publicaly put anybody else over, not a talent, not an office worker, no one. On top of that, when it's time to give someone else credit for the share of success they contributed to his business . . . it's usually a kill and burial---the ego just won't allow that. But still---I understand--it's part of what I signed up for.
When I get past all that, however, what I see is a man I dearly once loved, and now feel a bit sorry for. Vince is now 70, and there is no doubt he is still working 70 hours days. Those that work for him fear him, they strive for his approval, not the approval of the only thing that matters . . . the audience. With that type of a structure in place, to this day everything weighs heavily on his shoulders . . . and comes down to him. At 70---I wouldn't want any part of that pressure. It would be too much for anybody.
However, much of that is on the boss. Over the years he hasn't trusted many, and his way is the only way . . . it's called stubbornness. But again . . .I understand . . . I know him. So to me, I just see a guy, still trying to prove that no matter how many days pass of the calendar, he still has the vigor, drive and fortitude to be Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Vince will never let that fence come down . . . not even to his own family. That's who Vince is.
As you know, it saddens me to see what the wrestling business has become. I hear it every, single day. People who have been fans for years have stopped watching, the casual fan that built that audience of over 10 million people on Monday nights . . . are nowhere to be found. In the deepest of every fiber of my body . . . this hurts me to the core. When I was the head writer of the WWE, I had one goal, and one goal only----to share my love of professional wrestling to as many people as possible, in hopes that they too would love it as I did. That's it. I wanted others to enjoy what was the greatest form of sports entertainment in the world. There was no other motivation---not money, not power, not ego . . . nothing.
And, that is why I once again reached out to Vince last night. I have always been here. I have always keep my eye on the product. I know what it once was . . .and I know what it now is. I'll always want to help him . . . that is me . . . that is my make-up. . . that is my heart. And, if Vince doesn't want any help, mine, or anybody else's simply out of pride . . . that is understandable, but, through God I have learned over the years . . . we can't do it here alone . . . that's why others were put into our lives.
Pride is nothing but a word, that's all it is, what really matters is those lives you have affected over the years---lives of those who just want to return the favor.
It's really simple when you look at it that way.
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